Tuesday, July 19, 2005

What a waste

Talk about a waste. I have just seen a half-hour of my life unceremoniously slip through my fingers. I’ve wasted time before, but generally I like to waste time with something that can be construed as somewhat productive such as taking a nap or blowing my nose. But not this time. No Way! I have just spent half an hour reading a Web site designated to denigrating Rachael Ray, the host of several food network shows and obviously, a top 10 contender for the title of Anitchrist, somewhere behind Brussels sprouts and toe fungus.

I really know nothing about Rachael Ray. I will, however, continue to refer to her by her full name since her attackers all referred to her by only her initials and I would like to disassociate myself from such vigilantes of the culinary arts. All I know of the Food Network superstar is that my brother-in-law is contractually allowed to leave his wife for Rachael Ray at any moment, no questions asked, should the opportunity present itself. Of course, my sister is allowed to leave him for Johnny Depp. They’re kinda weird, but that is another therapy session altogether.

The vile, hateful nature with which these people lash out at Rachael Ray is a perfect example of the basest of humanity. To be so abusive to a pseudo-celebrity they do not know … someone they can turn off at any time (Really people, it’s called a remote. That’s r – e – m – o – t – e. Read a freakin’ book) … someone who is simply trying to cook a sloppy joe for crying out loud. I would add a link to the site, but I feel that it is my duty as a socially conscious human being to refrain from leading people down such a path of self destruction. Actually, I ran screaming from that site so fast that I forgot to take down the address and I really don’t want to go back to find it, but it was called “Rachael Ray Sucks” or something like that.

It’s a shame these people can’t channel their passion to a more constructive endeavor. In fact, their behavior has sparked such a passion in me that I suddenly feel the need to follow their lead … to lash out in a destructive and vengeful manner … to try to effect change by abusing something or someone so vile, so disgusting that their mere existence is like an inoperable blemish on the buttcheek of mankind … I think I’ll go beat up an unsuspecting 6-year-old!!

4 comments:

SpookyRach said...

Haaa ha ha ha! Inoperable blemish on the buttcheek of mankind!

That was funny, but are you and Jackson drooling over the same woman now or what?

jonboy said...

Not drooling. Don't know the lady, never watch the food channel.

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

~singing~ Johnboy and Rachel Ray sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G...

Ya don't full me...you watch her all the time.

Jackson said...

This is the worst thing I have ever heard in my life. Rachel Ray is my ray of hope in an otherwise untasteful fast food life. Anyone that would defile the name of Rachel Ray must be a fast food junky and have no respect for the quality of quick 30 minute meals.

By the way Jonboy, not only do I have the contractual agreement to leave Spookyrach for Rachel Ray but also for Sandra Bullock, if I can just keep her away from the Outlaw Jesse James. Guess I had better stick to the kitchen and my chances with Rachel Ray, with my medical past, it is too dangerous for me to play the outlaw.